Forever Pain

This, to me, is a depressing post and may be chalk full of typos because it is about my illness and right now I'm experiencing a flare up like I've never had before. It makes me sad to think that the older I get and the more frequently I'm ill that I will be in more pain that's even worse than this. When I say pain I truly mean top of the scale, close to natural child birth pain. I can barely walk... Thank goodness for voice to text or this post wouldn't exist because I can't use my hands. When I was at the doctor today I couldn't sign my name or replace my ID in my wallet. I feel like someone keeps taking an axe and chipping away at my lower spine. I am so sore everywhere, my toes, my thighs, my cheeks... Who has painful cheeks?!? Anyway to top that off I have what the doctor called a parainfluenza. To me, that's a minor detail. Yes, my throat is on fire but when you can't move at 30 years old it is exceptionally depressing. This too shall pass and God tells us not to worry about tomorrow but IT IS SO HARD because I am not looking forward to tomorrow if it means more frequent debilitating pain. It just seems that it will get worse and worse. My sweet hubster tried to cheer me up by saying that so many people have Fibromyalgia that researchers are constantly looking for new meds. I know this, but I also know that I've been on several already and they make a little bit of a difference in daily life and help to clear up my brain fog but do little to help with the lethargy or pain. I just want to be normal. I want to be a normal 30 year old who can play with her kids and enjoy life without hurting. I know this is all part of my journey. But this part really stinks!  I'm so glad I have good people to rely through this though. I may be in bed alone (which is painfully lonely and tearful in and of itself), but my kiddos have great care-- the neighbor even hauled Monkey 2 to therapy at the last minute after I forget. My neighbors take such good care of us, they really will have a crown full of jewels when they get to heaven! 

Be Still

In Psalm it says "Be still and know that I am God." Today I am having trouble with the whooooole verse. Maybe it makes me a bad Christian, or maybe I'm just honest, or maybe all of the above?!? I dunno. Today is a struggle and I KNOW that Satan is really, really wanting to get the best of me. Normally on Sundays I go to church and small group... Today the pipes of my kitchen sink and disposal decided they'd had enough and I spent church time on a date with the kitchen sink. Even after my wonderful neighbor fixed it for me, running to the hardware store and everything just so I could stay home and not venture out in the cold with the kiddos, even after he fixed it, I was still scrubbing dried on food substance and grossness off the inside of my cabinet and bottom of my sink. It blew-- big, fat, stinky balls. It blew. Not what I planned for my Sunday morning and afternoon.... Boo!! So much for getting to church. Also all afternoon the hubster wanted to fight. It stressed me out. I hate fighting. Even when we aren't talking about it it's an underlying stress. I hate it. I hate fighting with and stressing over him. All because of stupid West Virginia. Stupid, stupid West Virginia.  Did I mention stupid West Virginia? I'm so worried that the only way we can be together as a family is to actually move the girls back up there, but they hate it there (not exaggerated) as do I. Stupid West Virginia. Seriously. Like not kidding... That state is just awful. 

But, I digress. As the day wore on I thought it was looking up because I got to shower (HOOORAY!) and the girls and I went on a Starbucks run. We stopped the house on the way to small group to grab my Bible and the girls' food when Number 1 who has been potty trained for over two years peed in her booster seat!!!!!! That's right, peed in the car!!!! Then, after getting her changed, and asking Monkey 2 FOUR different times if she needed to potty, including while I was buckling her in right before I got into my seat, Monkey 2 lets loose in her car seat also. Indeed, the child who has been potty trained for over a year peed in the car too. OH MYLANTA!!!!! By the time everyone was all cleaned up it was too late to make it to small group and the husby was wanting to fight some more. It was an exhausting evening. Totally exhausting. Actually, the whole day was exhausting. When, in a day like that, do you have time to be still? Yet, days like today I need that reassurance of knowing that God's in control and He's got this. I don't know why I'm worrying about it... I just need to take a breather and rest in the assurance that the King of all things is taking care of all things. Why don't I remember this when I'm scrubbing junk off the cabinets, breaking up kiddo fights, trying to be patient with Lover Boy, worrying about our future as a family, and stupid West Virginia.... Being still is SO HARD for me. Pray with me, Friends, that we will all learn to be still so we can find that reassurance of the Almighty. 

Kids and Why?????

Why is it that kids act their worst when you are least able to handle it?!? Well my kids didn't act their worst today but they were pretty tootin' annoying as we were trying to get the grocery shopping done. Somehow, even buckled up, Monkey 2 kept standing up in the seat. I swear they were both on crack this morning and now I'm wondering what exactly is in Life cereal?!?

As an aside, we tried on Sprouts for the first time today and it is not the right fit for us. Prices for stuff we buy were actually HIGHER than Whole Foods! Um, yeah, crazy, huh?!? And I was really excited too because they're building a Sprouts in O Town and it would be so convenient! If only eating organically wasn't making me feel so much better... 

With that being said, as we were perusing the aisles I shoved the kiddos' faces full of organic granola bars only  to fall victim to their whining as we left and drove through Sonic for a corn dog fix for them. Sonic corn dogs are totes organic, right?!?

Lots of Ups Today and a Poke

Today. Today started off actually getting ready early enough to stop at the dry cleaner and Starbucks BEFORE I took the kids to the babysitter...(next door neighbor)... Then got to my doctor's appointment early enough to read Matthew 5-7. Today. Today God smacked in the face that it REALLY isn't important to have treasures on earth. Then today the specialist told me maybe my knee isn't so wonky, just my pelvic floor causing trouble for said knee. Same said knee

then saw the hugest needle you've ever seen jammed into it. It smarts a little today but with make it feel better soon. Supposedly. Today, though, today... Today, after said knee and needle my friend Matty took me on a lunch date and I got to have adult convo and talk about my crazy

and eat crab cakes. Yum. And I say again, yum. Today was yummy. Today. Then today I came home and Monkey 2 napped-- HOORAY! Hooray for today. Today Monkey 1 and Monkey 2 and some friends are catching Big Hero 6 and dinner- Mexican style. Today sounds like it will end on a good note, but I don't see how it won't because today I made one of the top 5 decisions of my life, aside from accepting Jesus as my Lord, marrying my amazing hubster, and loving my Monkies. Today I committed to Ruth and I am so, so, so very excited. Today I want you to meet Ruth.

She's a child from the village outside Calo Me Lare orphanage in Uganda and I am excited to sponsor her education!! 

It took me a very long time, a lot of prayer, and discussion with our family whether or not we could make a sustainable commitment but we decided that TODAY, today was the today and once I did it I was so overcome with happiness and joy. So, today. I like today. I am content. Today is one for the record books. Happy day... And a needle. More happy though. I'm happy today. Hooray for today.

Recovery from Vanity

Wellllllll, what I SHOULD be doing is taking down the nutcrackers, packing away the ornaments, and wrapping the nativities, but what I'm doing instead is this: 

and listening to What Not To Wear on TV. (Who knew that show was still on?!?) Anyway, thank God for good neighbors who give you corn bags to use on your eyes! I can't wait to see the finished product of my eyes without the swelling and brushing!!

I'm sexy, aren't I?!? Apparently the second morning (this morning) is the worst, so I should be on the upswing soon. Vanity, oh vanity! 

Tats, Eyes, and Earthquakes

Today vanity totally won out and I tattooed myself... My eyes of all things. During the ordeal I got 4 injections in each eye and the tattoo gun. I opened my we once while the gun was coming down and that was enough for me to never look again! Oh yeah, and there was and earthquake. Yes, you read that right. With a needle literally millimeters away from my eyeball THERE WAS A FREAKIN EARTHQUAKE. I might rethink my vanity next time. Eh, probably not. But here's to people not asking about my health each time I drop my kids off at school. Maybe now they can focus on my eyes and the eyeliner instead of the designer bags I have under my eyes.

Stress

When I stress out I tend to procrastinate... And eat. Hence, my house is a mess and I've gained 10 lbs since Baby 2 was born. However, much of my crafting is procrastination at its finest. I can sit, craft and pretend that the world is exactly as I wish it to be. This is exactly what happened when I made this Pinecone Wreath.

I was browsing my local Dollar Tree when I saw bags of pinecones for... you guessed it-- a dollar! I intended to make a pinecone garland from them but once home inspiration struck, (that, and I didn't have all the stuff to make the garland), and I came up with this wreath. 

Here's what you need:

-wreath form (I bought mine at Michael's for $4.99 plus a 50% coupon)

-pine cones

-burlap

-your handy dandy glue gun

Yep, that's really it. 

Here's what you do:

1) Lay the wreath form flat

2) Put glue on the bottoms of the pinecones

3) Adhere the pinecones to the wreath form

Yep, that's really it. Easy, peasy... and quick! (And cheap!)

Ok, no more procrastination. In the words of my brother-in-law, "I'm a new [wo]man." At least for the next few hours... I hope...