Forever Pain

This, to me, is a depressing post and may be chalk full of typos because it is about my illness and right now I'm experiencing a flare up like I've never had before. It makes me sad to think that the older I get and the more frequently I'm ill that I will be in more pain that's even worse than this. When I say pain I truly mean top of the scale, close to natural child birth pain. I can barely walk... Thank goodness for voice to text or this post wouldn't exist because I can't use my hands. When I was at the doctor today I couldn't sign my name or replace my ID in my wallet. I feel like someone keeps taking an axe and chipping away at my lower spine. I am so sore everywhere, my toes, my thighs, my cheeks... Who has painful cheeks?!? Anyway to top that off I have what the doctor called a parainfluenza. To me, that's a minor detail. Yes, my throat is on fire but when you can't move at 30 years old it is exceptionally depressing. This too shall pass and God tells us not to worry about tomorrow but IT IS SO HARD because I am not looking forward to tomorrow if it means more frequent debilitating pain. It just seems that it will get worse and worse. My sweet hubster tried to cheer me up by saying that so many people have Fibromyalgia that researchers are constantly looking for new meds. I know this, but I also know that I've been on several already and they make a little bit of a difference in daily life and help to clear up my brain fog but do little to help with the lethargy or pain. I just want to be normal. I want to be a normal 30 year old who can play with her kids and enjoy life without hurting. I know this is all part of my journey. But this part really stinks!  I'm so glad I have good people to rely through this though. I may be in bed alone (which is painfully lonely and tearful in and of itself), but my kiddos have great care-- the neighbor even hauled Monkey 2 to therapy at the last minute after I forget. My neighbors take such good care of us, they really will have a crown full of jewels when they get to heaven!